Connecting With Family

We had a family reunion this summer on my dad’s side. My sister and I planned the event and more than once as we gathered information for the family tree, we wished we would have asked more questions to our parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, who are all gone now. They were archives of personal history. They carried tales of resilience, hardship, joy and laughter. Now it’s our senior cousins that share the stories of the previous generations, but let me say, the stories are shared less.

We are so fortunate that our mother constantly loved to share stories of life from not only her own family history but also what she had learned about my Dad’s family (being married to my Dad for 50+ years). I wished I would have listened more, that’s all.

What are the questions we wished we would have asked? “What was your childhood like?”, “Where did you go to school?”, “How did you meet your wife/husband?”, “What dreams did you have when you were my age?”, What was your proudest moment? What did you do for a living? Where have you lived? Where have you travelled? How did you travel? What traditions were most important to you? What wisdom would you share with next generations? What’s your favourite family story?

I know lots of these answers about my mom, but I don’t honestly know the answers to many of these questions especially regarding my grandparents and aunts and uncles. As a child, I was preoccupied with my own world, and as a teen, I sometimes thought my elders’ stories belonged to an era I wasn’t interested in. I would much rather hang out with my cousins and second cousins. It wasn’t till much later in life that I found great joy in hearing the stories, visiting the music, the movies, the workplaces, the vehicles, the houses, and the clothing of the past generations.

There are 47 years between leaving home for further education or work world at age 18 and retirement at 65. We become busy with career or family or raising kids (one or all of these things) and the next thing you know, you haven’t seen some of your extended family for many years. Eventually the elders are gone and so are the stories.

While I cannot turn back time, I can talk to the family members still here and learn about them. I can encourage other family members to do the same before the opportunity slips away. Recording and sharing these stories, ensures that the voices of the past continue to inspire and ground us while honoring those who came before us.

To anyone reading this, let my wistfulness be a gentle nudge: ask the questions, savour the answers, and carry your family’s stories with pride. Someday, you may be the one someone wishes they had learned more from. (I realize that some of you readers have not had the best family experiences. I cannot relate but I can say, you can be the beginning of your own great family experience. Best wishes!)

At the end of the family reunion this summer, my sister and I purposed to connect more often with family members.